Category: Jewelry Etiquette

work appropriate jewelry

Work Appropriate Jewelry: The New Rules of Power Dressing

 

 

I recently watched Missrepresentation, a documentary about the bias against women in the media.  The underlying message is that the media continuously objectifies women by portraying them as either sex kitten or nagging bitch and this has resulted in American women having warped self-images and grossly underestimating their influence in the world.  The movie also points out the fact that powerful women are constantly judged on their appearance or personal life rather than for their accomplishments–if Hilary Clinton had a bad day, the media calls her old and haggard; if she looks good on another day, there is speculation about whether she’s had work done–this has to change and we, as viewers, can start by refusing to fan the flames of lazy journalism.  There are a few points in the documentary that I don’t necessarily agree with but overall I think the representation of women in the media is a good issue to raise and I support the movement as a whole.  It is important to distinguish between the media’s tendency to undermine a woman’s influence versus the reality of how much power women actually command.

One of the points that I take issue with is the movie’s subtle suggestion that if you care about your looks then you’re perpetuating stereotypes.  I believe that a woman should be entitled to be accomplished, intelligent, independent, and care about her appearance without being judged.  It is no secret that attractive people (men and women) do better in life; its consistently been true since before the existence of media–we are genetically programmed to respond better to attractive people.  That is not bias, it’s science.  That doesn’t mean I believe that a person with homely looks should undergo plastic surgery to drastically alter their appearance to look like a Barbie; however, I do think that one should always present their best self to the world.  That means working out so you’re healthy, eating well, caring for your skin, putting thought into the message you are sending with your outfit and accessory choices, minding your manners, and trying to get the most out of your life.  Anna Wintour is a great example of a woman who is not a natural beauty but puts her best foot forward.  This woman controls millions of dollars worth of advertising dollars and the Guardian has called her the “unofficial mayoress” of New York City.  She is portrayed in movies, cartoons, etc. as a steely bitch because the amount of clout she has is threatening to some.  Given the lame state of the media as it currently stands, if you are powerful enough to threaten plebeians, you’ve made it.  Who cares about the idiots shaking in their boots drawing unflattering cartoons of you?  You could destroy them with one glance.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power Dressing

 

Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of American Vogue.  Photo from here.

I also don’t believe that a woman has to downplay her looks in order to be taken seriously in her profession but we do have to be careful not to be overly sexual in our attire so as not to objectify ourselves.  Think about the impression you put forth.  Women in politics, corporate America and academia tend to gravitate towards the stern, androgynous, buttoned-up look because they believe that is what has to be done to command the respect of their male peers.  I think we have more leeway than that.  We aren’t limited to porn star or puritan, there is ample room in between for us to reflect our own aesthetic in our manner of dress without objectifying ourselves.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power DressingLynn de Rothschild, CEO of E.L. Rothschild

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power Dressing

Martine Assouline, co-founder and owner of Assouline publishing house.  Photo from here.

Propriety depends largely on one’s field.  Women in creative industries can get away with a lot more than women in government for example.  The key is knowing where the line is drawn.  Ivanka Trump does this exceedingly well.  She wears many hats: executive, clothing and jewelry designer, and reality TV star; yet, she always looks appropriate for the situation.  In meetings and on The Apprentice, she will wear a demure dress or shift, one that doesn’t show too much cleavage or leg.  For editorials, she dresses according to the demographic of the readership and her message, and for red carpet events the dresses are more risqué and revealing.  Does she play up the sex kitten vibe to court media attention?  Absolutely.  But she decides what her image is to be for any given situation and uses it in her favor.  The power to control the world’s perception of you is a skill that should not be taken lightly.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power DressingIvanka Trump, Executive VP of Development & Acquisitions at The Trump Organization, designer, reality TV star.  Photo from here.

Jewelry happens to be the perfect way to add a personal touch to an otherwise demure work appropriate outfit.  One can wear big jewelry without objectifying oneself and relinquishing respect.  However, when it comes to power dressing in the corporate world, here are some guidelines for jewelry:

1. No huge rhinestones, crystals or diamonds during the day–a pair of diamond studs are fine, enormous blinding statement earrings are best reserved for evening.  Same goes for necklaces, small sparkly accents may be appropriate but high shine is not.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power Dressing

Work appropriate jewelry: wood earrings; available here.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power Dressing

Work appropriate jewelry: Kenneth Jay Lane earrings; available here.Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power Dressing

Work-appropriate jewelry: Swarovski stud earrings; available here.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power Dressing

Save these for happy hour.  Faux Emerald earrings; available here.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power Dressing

Work appropriate jewelry: pearl statement necklace; available here.

2. Your jewelry should be seen, not heard–your bangles should not announce your arrival in a board room.  I don’t want to hear clanking of any kind, especially not against the desk as you type.  People will not take you seriously as a professional. Reserve stacking bangles for your personal life.  Cuffs are fine as long as they don’t make noise.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power DressingWork appropriate jewelry: Gold hinge cuff; available here.

3.  Save the skulls and spikes for when you’re off the clock–unless you’re in a creative industry, skulls and spikes won’t go over well in the office.

Work Appropriate Jewelry:  The New Rules of Power Dressing

Not work appropriate, save it for cocktail hour; available here.

4.  If you don’t know whether your office setting is conducive to any of the above, ask yourself, “Are jeans allowed in the workplace?”  If jeans are allowed, then you’re fine and you can take more risks in your jewelry.  If jeans are not allowed in your office, then make smart choices about jewelry.

To support the Missrepresentation movement, click here.

Big Kiss and Bigger Diamonds,

JZP

 

Jewelry Etiquette: Heirlooms

 

We all love to get heirlooms passed down from our mothers or our favorite grandmother or aunt.  For the most part, it is a happy occurrence and the giver derives as much joy from passing jewelry on as the receiver does from getting it.  However, when family and gifts are involved, some situations inevitably result in complications.  If jewelry etiquette were in the purview of Emily Post, I’m quite certain she would agree with me on the following:

One Should Never Ask For Jewelry 

It is truly in poor taste to ask someone for jewelry if unprompted.  If someone asks what kind of jewelry you want, whether new or heirloom, then you are free to answer so long as your manner of answering doesn’t give away the fact that you’ve spent countless hours thinking about it–one must never seem too eager.  If unprompted, a lady should never ask for jewelry, especially when it comes to heirlooms.  Nothing sounds like, “I’m plotting your untimely demise” like asking for a living relative’s jewelry.  Furthermore, you put the giver in a very awkward situation: if they don’t want to part with it but feel obliged to, they will resent you forever and ruin the relationship; if they don’t give it to you right away or at all, you will resent them and ruin the relationship.  Truthfully, if a relative of mine was so crass as to ask me for a piece of jewelry while I was alive, or worse, if they asked me whether they could have something when I die, I think I would try to outlive them and then arrange to be buried in all of my jewelry just to spite the little shit.

Jewelry Etiquette: Heirlooms

The Dresden Green Diamond, a 41 carats (8.2 g) natural green diamond set in a brooch, c. 1768.

The only instance where it is permissible to ask for jewelry is if one is planning to propose and would like to use the heirloom as an engagement ring.  Even in this instance, the original owner of that piece of jewelry should be deceased.  I don’t think anyone would want to marry a man who said, “Hey Ma, may I have your diamond engagement ring so I can propose to my girlfriend?”

Divorcee Diamonds

Someone gets divorced and give you the engagement ring or all the jewelry her ex-husband ever gave her; what on earth are you going to do with it?  If you like the ring and are not superstitious, feel free to wear it on your right hand.  If you don’t like the ring and are not superstitious, have the diamonds rest into something else.  However, for those who think divorcee diamonds are bad luck, my advice would be to sell it and buy new diamonds or jewelry with the proceeds.  In all three scenarios, you should ask the person who gave you the jewelry for permission before you wear it, have the diamonds reset, or sell it.

As for whether one should return a ring to the giver upon a divorce–if the ring was purchased for you, you may keep it; if you were given an heirloom, you should return it.  It would be very unsightly to refuse to return an heirloom.

Sibling Rivalry

Oh my.  Whomever it was given to owns the piece.  Barring a clear gift, jewelry etiquette does not extend to areas that can turn into legal battles.  I personally don’t think people should fight over material items, regardless of your relationship.  We were told to be generous to our siblings but everyone’s circumstances are different so far be it from me to lecture anyone on sibling rivalry.

Disposing of the Family Jewels

This one is rather simple–if they’re alive, you have to ask.  If they’re deceased, give any siblings you have the right of first refusal; if they don’t want it, then you may dispose of it as you see fit.

Big Kiss and Bigger Diamonds,

JZP